GOING HOME WITH BABY

Emotional Changes

You have bonded with your baby before birth, but you may not be prepared for the depth of attachment and love you have for this child. You may become preoccupied while at work with thoughts of the new baby and Mom. You will miss them when you are away from them. At the same time, you could even resent the child because of the drastic changes that have happened in your life.

Babies are slave-drivers. They demand attention and many times will not wait until you are able to give it. You may wonder how something so small can create so much work. There seems to be an endless list of things to do. If you have returned to work, it can be even more overwhelming. Add to this the lack of sleep the first several weeks. If you have other children, they may also be demanding more time than before the baby. If you think of all the sudden changes in your life, you will understand how you can love your new baby and possibly resent him at the same time.

Your freedom and spontaneity have been drastically curtailed. It can be almost daunting to get everything the baby needs ready to go out. You may find that sex is almost non-existent for many weeks to months. This can be caused by many things besides the physical trauma of childbirth to your partner's body. You may both be tired or not in the mood.

You may sometimes be overwhelmed by what you don't know about parenting. This is a normal feeling. No one expects you to have all the answers. Men do not have the emotional support in our society for the new father role. Just as you need to be a part of the family, you also need to have friends. Sometimes you may feel forgotten as everyone gives attention to the new baby and Mom. Relax and use the time to enjoy the role of father.

You need time alone with your new baby. A time when you can cuddle, talk to, and play with your baby. Take the time you need to spend with your child. Don't forget your other children, if you have them. Time with your partner is also important. The demands of parenthood can cause stress in your relationship. You need time together to heal that.

Recognize That This “Two” Shall Pass

Keep things in perspective. No matter how bad things get, they are temporary. Babies grow up. They will start to sleep more and eat less often. It will become easier to take them out in public. With each passing day, you are one step closer to getting things under control. Savor the special moments of infancy: the sleepy snuggles, shy smiles and sweet smells of your babies. They will soon be only a treasured memory. Continue to spend time as a family with the quiet time you began before the baby is born.

Most importantly, remember being a parent can bring great joy.